Setting Your Family's Values Statement Together
A clear sense of who you are, distinct from what algorithms show you or peers expect of you.
You want to proactively define what your family stands for, before a crisis makes it reactive, or as a way of rebuilding clarity after one.
Kids are being handed identities by algorithms before they've had a chance to build one. A family that articulates its values gives a child something to come back to when everything outside is trying to define them.
This only works if it's genuinely collaborative. Don't arrive with the answers pre-written. Arrive with questions.
"If someone asked you what our family stands for — what would you say?"
"I want to try something a little different today. I want to talk about what we actually believe in as a family — not rules, but the things underneath the rules. What actually matters to us."
"Our family values are honesty, kindness, and hard work.": Presenting pre-formed values for them to receive defeats the purpose. The conversation has to be collaborative for it to stick.
"What we came up with today is ours — not something I handed you. That matters. Because when a moment comes where you're not sure what to do, I want you to be able to ask yourself: what does our family actually believe about this?"
Write down two or three things that came out of the conversation, in their words, not yours, within 24 hours. Put it somewhere it can be seen. Come back to it in six months and see if it still fits.